Blog
it hurts so bad~
Brad Richardson
March 13th, 2012
It only happened a couple times when I was a little boy. But I remember the depth of the pain when it happened. The deep sorrow, my chest heaving, the darkness, a deepening sense of hopelessness.
Can you recall a time when you cried yourself to sleep?
When I asked Amy (not her real name) how I could pray for her, she said through tears, “I just don’t want to cry myself to sleep anymore.” She sobbed as I placed my hand on her shoulder and asked God to help her through her pain. When I was done praying she confessed that many times the ache was so deep that she often thought about suicide. She thanked me for bringing the band to play music — she always enjoys it when we come. “I wish I could feel this good all the time.”
Excelsior Youth Home for Girls is a treatment center for girls ages 11-18. Here is their web site:Excelsior. The possibility of losing one of these precious, young women is so real that Excelsior does head counts every 15 minutes. One of my friends had a daughter at Excelsior and almost lost her. The head count saved her life after she was found in a bathroom bleeding from self-inflicted wounds.
Mercy Music has been going to Excelsior for three years now. Every time we take a team of Musicianaries into this center we are blessed beyond measure. The girls love the music. This last visit we had enough time to sit down on the auditorium stairs and chat with all the girls who wanted to talk. Many of the girls sat down with us and shared some of their stories.
“I’m just so angry all the time. I don’t want to feel like this anymore.” — 16 years old
“I have been addicted to meth for so long, I’m clean now, but I am going home soon and I’m worried about getting around my old friends and doing meth again.” — 17 years old
“I have been here for three years. I keep coming back because I just can’t figure out how to live with my family. I’m scared. I want to feel better. I feel better when you guys come.” — 15 years old
The girls heard one of our Musicianaries relate to them through the tears of her own pain. The sobs and cries filled the sanctuary as my Musicianary friend shared with them … “I have been where you are … I wanted to end it all and take my own life. But I cried out to God and He got me through. I’m so glad I didn’t do that because I would not be here with you wonderful girls right now!”
This talented Musicianary then offered a song she wrote, to which the girls responded with tears of healing…
In this time of pain who will comfort me
Cast me not away and help me to believe
I am not forgotten, I am not forsaken
I am your beloved and you hear my cry
You care for the broken
Bring hope to the hopeless
Abba please help me know
That you love me
